BE REALISTIC WITH YOUR BUDGET

I know that on a previous post I told you that it is paramount that you research the area first and start looking at properties online after, but now I am going to tell you to do the opposite. And it is not because I have totally lost it, it is all due to you being conscious of what can you get for your budget on the area that you would like to buy.

It is very important that you are realistic about what can you actually do with your budget. How many times have you been watching A Place in the Sun on telly, and they are showing an amazing property right on the town where you would like to buy, with a zillion rooms, and a gazillion bathrooms, with private pool and garden, 5 minutes’ walk from the beach and amenities. All for a stupidly low amount of money. And you find yourself thinking: I can buy that! I have exactly that budget! How lucky am I?!

But you fail to realize that the program was recorded in 2013, when prices were rock bottom in Spain and the £££ was really strong comparing with €€€. Circumstances have changed a lot, and so have the market, which means that nowadays it is more difficult to find bargains, and although you are still able to make a cheeky offer, it will not be so easily accepted as before.

Once someone asked me if I could help them find a townhouse or villa with 4 bedrooms, private garden, no more than 5 minutes’ walk from the beach, pet friendly, in Marbella and their budget was 100.000€. After a quick peak at the market I had to inform them than a townhouse with those characteristics had a starting price of 225.000€, and that was most definitely not 5 minutes’ from the beach.

So, what I would like for you to do now is the following:

•  Go to any of the property search engines that you can find online (fotocasa, idealista, etc).
• Type the name of your favourite spot, and then on the “extras” area add all that you can from your wish list: number of bedrooms, bathrooms, garden, swimming pool, how close to the beach and amenities, etc.
• Click search.

If the search comes back as “0 properties found” it means that you have some of the following options:

• You might need to up your budget.
• You might need to lower your expectations. I don’t mean you need to make compromises, because that will mean that renouncing to something you will gain something else. In this case you need to review your wish list altogether.
• You might need to change your search to another area of Spain where prices are still low.
• You might need to wait a few years.

Once you have found an area where you can afford to buy, then STOP looking online at properties and START visiting that area. This way you will avoid a lot of disappointment, and potentially some money on visiting trips to areas you are not going to be able to afford.

SPANISH BUREAUCRACY: HOW NOT TO DIE TRYING TO SORT OUT YOUR PAPERWORK

You have finally decided to take the plunge and have found your dream home in the sun, and have decided to make an offer.

In order to buy a house in Spain you need to have a NIE: Número de Identificación de Extranjero (Foreigner Identification Number).

And because you have decided to make a permanent move, you are going to need Residencia.

And because you are becoming self employed you need to register with the Social Security office.

And you need to register yourself and your family with at the GP surgery. Or if you are retired you need to transfer your pensioner health care to the Spanish system.

And then you have to enrol your kids at the local school.

First thing in the morning, you take yourself to the local police station. There nobody speaks English, so it takes you a while to understand that you are at the wrong police station. Local police doesn’t deal with any of those issues, you need to go to the Policía Nacional, which might or not be located in your town.

The following day you go to the closest Policía Nacional station. There you find out that you are unable to do any paperwork because you don’t have an appointment. You request an appointment, and the next available one is in 4 weeks time.

4 weeks later you go back to the Policía Nacional station. And you take with you the documentation that you have read online (on the official website) that you need. Then the funcionario (government employee), which is always a very jolly and approachable person (yeah, right), informs you in very strong terms that you don’t have all that you need. And obviously nobody speaks English, and even if they do it is not good enough and a lot of things get lost in translation.

3 visits later you manage to get your NIE.

Now you can try and register with the Social Security office. And everything starts all over again.

4 visits later, once you have managed to register as autónomo (self employed) with the Social Security, you go back to the Policía Nacional station for your residencia, where again it takes you 4 visits to get all the paperwork done.

And you still have to fight your way through registering with the doctor, the school…

At this point, if you have any hair left, it has gone all white and you are wondering if it was at all a good idea to move to this forsaken country where we love to move papers from one desk to the next.

And you are right. Our bureaucracy sucks (excuse my French).

But everything will be a lot easier (and potentially you will be able to do each formality in just one visit), if you bear in mind certain basic points:

• You are now in Spain, do not expect any public employee to speak English. They do not have to do so as English is not one of the official languages in Spain. If they do it is a bonus, but the onus is on you to know the language or to take someone with you to help you.

• Always ask at the particular office where you are going to do the paperwork which documents THEY want. Because the info on the official website is obscure and subject to interpretation, each office will ask for similar but maybe different things. It doesn’t make sense, I know, but it will save you some trips and irritation to do so.

• Smile, even if you feel like ripping off the funcionario’s head. You need to bear in mind that public government employees are, by default, permanently in a bad mood because someone is making them work, when their actual right in life is to read the newspaper at work and go for breakfast. So, breathe in breathe out and put into practice the British good manners and say please and thank you for everything, like if you were treating with royalty. If you manage to have a good relationship with one funcionario you will be able to go back to him/her forever and will be always helpful to you. Just never go there when your favourite one is on holidays or on a sick leave.

• Patience. A lot. You are now living in a place with a different pace of life. The sooner you get used to it the better, and you will manage to not get mad every 2 minutes.

• Our opening times are sacred. If the place closes at 2 pm, they will close the window on your face, regardless. So be there early and with plenty of time to spare.

• Bring originals and copies OF EVERYTHING, and several copies too. And translate your documents by a sworn translator. And make copies. Of everything.

• Make copies of everything.

• Make copies.

• Oh, and take photocopies of everything with you.

• Positive attitude. Just go everywhere with the mind frame that you are not going to get it done that day. So if you manage to solve everything there and then you will feel so much happier!

• Finally, it is a very good idea to pay some €€€ to someone to do all the paperwork for you, be that your relocation agent, your solicitor, gestor, your cousin or the next door neighbour. That way you will be totally relaxed and will spend your time on what is really important: living your dream.

BEWARE OF THE CULTURAL SHOCK: SOME HINTS ABOUT OUR WAY OF LIVING

Spain is different, we all know that. We behave in a different ways than some of our fellow European countries, and we do and believe certain things that would definitely shock you, mainly if you are British. This is just a brief summary: 

• We are loud. VERY loud. When you come to Spain one of the first things you notice is that there is always a humming noise about. It might take you a while to realize that it is the sound of people talking. Why is it so audible? Several reasons, mainly because we are loud, and because of the good weather. We spend the majority of time outdoors, and we are very sociable people, we always meet in big groups, and we all have something to say, and we need to make ourselves heard, so we raise our voices even more. We are not having an argument, we are not about kill each other, do not worry.

• We are touchy people. We like to invade other people’s personal space. We hug, hold hands, kiss a lot, link arms, we pat each other’s back like there is no tomorrow. We believe that if the table is set for four, you can certainly squeeze another 3 unexpected guests.

• We are a very family orientated country. And by family we don’t mean mum, dad and the kids. You have to include aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, cousins (various degrees), boyfriends and girlfriends of any given relative, the relatives of the any given boyfriend and girlfriend, and so on. So when there is a family gathering you can find yourselves easily with 20 guests. And those family gatherings are not something planned in advanced the majority of the times. It is more like, we were passing by and decided to stop and say hello. Always unannounced, no previous call, no matching agendas 3 weeks in advance. And because we believe you can always find a sit for one more at any table (as explained before), then you end up with a full house. We have a saying “donde comen 4 comen 5”, which means that if there is food for 4 there is food for 5, or 6 or 7 or whichever amount of people that decides to turn up.

• Chickens and rabbits are not pets, are food. So we eat them. If someone is breeding them is because they have full intention to eating them. And tasty they are boy.

• Pets are animals, not people. We love our pets to bits, do not get me wrong. But we believe they belong outdoors, because they are still animals, and they need freedom, space and love. It is not normal to find a dog sleeping in someone’s bed, or even in the bedroom, or even in the living room. And because they live outside you can hear them when they bark. We are used to the noise, so we don’t take notice of it. Animals do not need to be accompanied at all times, what they need is space to be. Different would be to have a dog locked inside an apartment barking all day. That is not good by anybody’s standards.

• Siestas are a myth. What we do is have a break between the morning and the afternoon shift. Which in my opinion is stupid. The majority of people will just rush home to cook lunch, eat as fast as possible, tidy up and wash the dishes and then rush back to work. Instead of resting it feels like a marathon. And it doesn’t make you any more productive in the afternoon. I am all for uninterrupted shifts! We wish we had the time for siesta …

• We like a party more than anything in the world. Any excuse is good for a party. If we have to adopt foreign festivities we are happy to do so, such as Halloween or St Patrick Day. Or maybe just because today is sunny, let’s get together and celebrate it!

• We do not say please and thank you 20 times in any given minute. This might make you think we are rude, which is very far from the truth. Once you start learning Spanish you will realize that please and thank you are implied on the tone of voice and the way that we say things. For example, when ordering something in a bar we do not say “Can I have…?”, we say “I want?” Why? Because the question asked by the waiter is not “What can I get you?” but “What do you want?”.  It is important to know Spanish is order to understand us, not the lingo but the culture.

And I am sure there are plenty more, but you will have to come here and discover them for yourself!

FIRST STEPS: WHERE DO I START?!?!

When we start dreaming about relocating to another country the first thing that we all do is to go to our favourite house hunting website. 

WRONG!

Why? Because if we do that we are going to fall in love with that amazing house that looks absolutely incredible on the pictures, that we are ever so lucky that it is within budget and that ticks all our boxes and more. And what happens next? The property is in the middle of nowhere, or in a damp town, or your neighbours are squatters and you only find out afterwards because the estate agent didnt tell you about it...

For example, I have just seen a flat in Seville, with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, terrace, near the city center for 37,000€, and you think, WOW! However, what do you know about the neighbourhood called "the 3000 houses"? It is a place were not even police ventures to go. 

What should we be doing first then?

RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH. Research of what?

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION.

Locations is paramount. Do not start looking for houses until you know exactly where you want to be. How do you find out about it?

Write a list of your must have, grab a map of Spain and choose several places that match your requirements on paper. Then book a few holidays on that place: in winter, in summer, high season, low season... 

Rent a car a drive around the areas you like at different times of the day. Some urbanizaciones look really good during the day, but then at night time might have unwelcomed visitors.

Estate agents normally won't tell you the bad things of any given area, as of course their business is to sell you a house. It is on you to do the due diligence of checking the place out.

Even if on paper you think you want to be off the grid, for example, try and spend sometime off the grid on the region you like to see if it really works for you. It might be too much of a hassle or your will realize it is exactly what you were looking for.

If you like the place every time that you visit, then is when you can start looking for properties.

And then is when the real journey begins.

BEWARE OF THE CULTURAL SHOCK: BEING VEGAN IN SPAIN

When purchasing a property in Spain you are not only starting to live your dream, you are starting a new life in a new country with a totally different set of rules and values. We (Spanish) see life in a different light than British.

The other day I saw in a Facebook group a comment about a lady that was thinking in opening a Vegan catering in Barcelona. My first thought was "good luck with that here..." Because half of the people in Spain probably wont even know what a Vegan is.

We have accepted that some people is vegetarian, and today you can find vegetarian restaurants in big cities, and some restaurants even would have a vegetarian option. But the majority of us will go to a vegetarian restaurant same as we go to a Thai one, or Indian, it sounds very exotic.

The very essence of the problem is that we understand different things when we speak about "meat" and what not eating meat entitles.

For us meat is any part of an animal that runs the earth that you can cook. So when a vegan person explains that they dont eat meat, we dont see any difference with a normal vegetarian.

The vegan will start explaining they dont eat fish. Why not? we think. Fish is not meat, is fish. The problem is literally lost in translation. Because "carne" translates both into "meat" and "flesh". So "la carne del pescado" is not "the fish meat" but the "fish flesh".

Therefore, why wouldnt you eat fish if it is not meat? Does it mean you dont eat langostinos? (king prawns) What do you eat at Christmas then?

We will start to look at you with a funny face, but will carry on listening.

Then the vegan say they dont eat Jamón or any other "Spanish sausage". That is just not on. Basically we dont consider "real meat" the "embutidos", which is what British call too generically "Spanish sausages". Embutido is: jamón serrano, jamón iberico, lomo, chorizo, salchichón, fuet, chopped, mortadela, jamón york, jamón de pavo, ... I mean, we know is made with meat, but it doesnt count because you dont cook it, so why wouldnt you eat it? And it is delicious, if someone doesnt like jamón serrano there is definitely something wrong with them.

At this point the vegan will have to explain that they dont eat ANYTHING that comes from an animal. What do you mean?, the Spanish will ask while his/her face starts to twitch, and you can see smoke coming from behind our ears. Really, what do you mean with that? It means that vegan dont eat any dairy, nor eggs.

Hang on a minute there! Cheese and eggs are definitely NOT meat. What you put in your coffee if you cant drink milk? You must be joking, right? I think I cant breath, you have just disregarded ALL our food.

In a nut shell, the Spanish will think, if a vegan doesnt eat meat, fish, embutidos, dairy products, nor eggs, what do they eat? And the first word that comes to our mind is this: GRASS. Vegans eat grass. Why on earth would you want to eat grass? You are most definitely very weird.

Time will pass and the vegan will probably became our very beloved friend, and we will do our best to accommodate you in our parties trying to cook things that you can eat (basically just gazpacho), but we will get it wrong, because we will probably prepare Spanish omelette (which has eggs) or a lovely potato salad with canned tune. (What! You dont eat canned tune either? That is not even fish!)

And we will defend your honour when someone says that you are weird for not eating meat and will explain to them what does it mean to be a vegan (probably with a slightly patronising tone of voice, like we are very cosmopolitan and they are not)

However, you will be forever and furthermore our slightly odd friend that eats grass. For example, when talking about our vegan friend with a third party the conversation will go as follow:

-Do you know my friend XXX?

-Not sure, who is he/she?

- You know, the one that eats grass

-Ahhh, yes I know

Dont take it personally, it is just that Spain is different.

WINTER HAS COME

You have found your perfect holiday winter sun destination, you have also found the perfect property to enjoy those hard earned holidays. Your flipflops, sun cream and all summer clothes are packed and ready to be used. Then you arrive to Spain and this is what happens:

Ronda, Malaga, Spain 19.01.2017

And this is because, believe it or not, in Spain we have winter too. And one thing that you need to bear in mind when looking for your dream home is that it comes with some sort of heating system.

There is the common misconception that there is an eternal summer in the south of Spain, and that is true for about 9 months of the year, but the other 3 it can get really really cold. Whilts you might be able to enjoy the sunshine and temperatures around 15º-20º C in the middle of the day, those temperatures can drop to 0º-5º C at night time. 

But the majority of the houses do not have central heating. Some will have a chimeny or a wood burner, but some do not have even that, so you will have to rely on electrical heaters which can prove to be very expensive. Just to give you an idea, one of my friends paid for their December electricity bill around 615€ this year. And that is a scary thought.

Instead of enjoying your holidays you might end up being a Popsicle in your new home sofa.

Therefore make sure before you buy anything that you will be able to instal the mentioned heating system. And pack some jumpers!